I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
Randomize
