I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
Randomize
