I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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