She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
Randomize
