i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
Randomize
