She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
Randomize
