Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
