The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
