how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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