You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
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