bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
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