you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
Randomize