He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
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