Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Randomize
