I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Randomize
