Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize