Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Randomize
