I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
Dignity is for republicans.
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
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