Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
Randomize
