It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
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