just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
