i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize