I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
He's on the porch naked. Help.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
Randomize