At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
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