just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Randomize
