what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
Randomize