ya dads aren't the best wingmen
Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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