Already got asked if we're dating
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize