Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
Randomize
