you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Randomize
