can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Randomize
