you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
Randomize
