And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Randomize
