She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
