This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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