Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
Randomize
