if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
Randomize
