They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
it's great music for shaving your balls
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
Randomize
