I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
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