Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
Randomize
