The maid of honor just puked.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
