am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
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