I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
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