I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
Randomize