He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
‪Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best. ‬
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
We're hate flirting, damnit.
Randomize
