My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Randomize
