Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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