pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
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