Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
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