We tried having a conversation with our noses.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
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