nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
He better not be in your backpack
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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