u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Randomize
