he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
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