He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Randomize
