i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
Randomize
