so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
Liz is crying about burritos again.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
Randomize
