god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
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