good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
Randomize
