I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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