every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
