I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
Randomize
