just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
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