oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Randomize
