Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
