I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
Randomize
