if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
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