Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
Randomize
