I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
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