Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
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