that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
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