Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Randomize
