if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
