this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Randomize
